Up to seventy times seven.

Matthew 18:21-35 (NASB) from the daily reading in the One Year Bible

From yesterday’s reading, for context: 18:15-20

¹⁵ “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. ¹⁶ But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed. ¹⁷ If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. ¹⁸ Truly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall have been bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall have been loosed in heaven.

¹⁹ “Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven. ²⁰ For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst.”

Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” ²² Jesus *said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.

²³ “For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves. ²⁴ When he had begun to settle them, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. ²⁵ But since he did not have the means to repay, his lord commanded him to be sold, along with his wife and children and all that he had, and repayment to be made. ²⁶ So the slave fell to the ground and prostrated himself before him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you everything.’ ²⁷ And the lord of that slave felt compassion and released him and forgave him the debt. ²⁸ But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and he seized him and began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay back what you owe.’ ²⁹ So his fellow slave fell to the ground and began to plead with him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you.’ ³⁰ But he was unwilling and went and threw him in prison until he should pay back what was owed. ³¹ So when his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were deeply grieved and came and reported to their lord all that had happened. ³² Then summoning him, his lord *said to him, ‘You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. ³³ Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, in the same way that I had mercy on you?’ ³⁴ And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him. ³⁵ My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.”

“If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother.” …   “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” ²² Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.”       There is a tendency to overlap and misapply these and other scriptures involving sin, forgiveness and confronting others. Many times we think it is our right and responsibility to point out to others everything they do that we don’t like or are offended by, from the way they dress, to the way they pray or sing. We hide behind a false spirituality, a desire to be truthful for the sake of unity with others and God. Matthew 5:23-24 says:   Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, ²⁴ leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.     This though does not give us license to point out the faults of others. It says: if your brother has something against you, go and be reconciled. We go to seek forgiveness for what we have done to hurt or offend them. Even in apologizing we often focus more on what the other person did than on seeking forgiveness. We say “I am sorry but…” Being sorry but pointing out what the other person did wrong is really not being sorry. It’s just another way of trying to appear more righteous or spiritual while continuing to point out the other person’s fault or error.

The most important thing, whether we are seeking forgiveness from others, forgiving them or truly going to them with a matter of sin in their life, is the motive or heart behind our going. The scriptures say: “be reconciled to your brother”;  “you have won your brother.”  This is not about winning a debate or proving who is right, it’s about reconciliation  and restoration, to each other and to God. We don’t win against our brother, we win him back to the Lord.  Galatians 6:1 says:   Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted. We need always to remember both that we too may fall into temptation and that we have already been forgiven much more than we could ever forgive.  In today’s text Jesus tells the parable about the settling of accounts which ends with these words:  ‘You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. ³³ Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, in the same way that I had mercy on you?’ ³⁴ And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him. ³⁵ My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.”

Unforgiveness is sin. Holding on to unforgiveness, holding grudges and resentment toward others,  is holding on to sin. If we don’t truly forgive others, from our heart, we hold onto sin, which separates us from God. In Mark 11:22-26, Jesus is speaking about the power and authority we have in prayer, through  Him and the hindrance of unforgiveness,      “Have faith in God. ²³ Truly I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and cast into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says is going to happen, it will be granted him. ²⁴ Therefore I say to you, all things for which you pray and ask, believe that you have received them, and they will be granted you. ²⁵ Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions. ^26 ]But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your transgressions.”

If you are struggling with unforgiveness or uncertain about whether you should go to someone, I have written a 12 step process for conflict resolution.

A Biblical View of steps to conflict resolution  -  12 steps

Many people, even many Christians think that we should confront people with the things they do that offend us, thinking confrontation is the key to conflict resolution. While there is a place for confrontation let’s look at what scripture says about it in a 12 step format. Hope you are blessed.  

1. “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. ² For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. ³ “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ⁴ How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? ⁵ You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.(Matthew 7:3-5)  Scripture is clear that before we even look at what someone else has done wrong we need to judge our own heart, actions and intentions.
2. Having made certain our heart is pure and we have cleared ourselves, repenting of any wrong we have done, we then can move on to the next step.   21Then Peter came and said to Him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" 22Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.(Matthew 18:21-22)       The forgiveness we offer is not based on the outcome or response of the other party. We are to forgive as we have been forgiven(Colossians3:13), unconditionally, in advance.      But God demonstrates his own love (and forgiveness) for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.(Romans 5:8) Any confrontation we have with others must come from a heart of unconditional forgiveness.
3. Repeat step 2   Whatever the offense or sin.
4. See step 3
5. See step 4
6. See step 5
7. See step 6
8. See step 7
9. Repeat steps 2-8 seventy(70) times.
10. Now if you still feel that it is important and necessary you are ready to confront the other person.
11. Galatians 6:1 says:   Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.      Restoration should always be the goal of our confrontation and conflict resolution. Restoration to God first and to fellowship and ourselves.  
12. If restoration is not the goal in going to your brother/sister Repeat steps 1-9  

One final thought, if it is unforgiveness about something someone has done to you, it is not necessary for you to tell them what they did for you to forgive them. Jesus gives us the model for true forgiveness, on the cross, He says:  “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing.”    True forgiveness, from the heart, requires only that we release both our hurt and the other person’s responsibility for it to God.

Heavenly Father, Lord Jesus Christ thank You for forgiving me on and through the cross. Holy Spirit, I desire to yield to You in all that I do, so that I might show others the same mercy and grace I have been shown. Lord Jesus, just as You died on the cross to forgive my sin, may I die to self, may my heart be fully toward reconciliation and restoration.    Amen.